Progress in the nap department...

Taken Wednesday while waiting in the car, at the store, for Emma.

First I just want to say thanks to those of you who have made comments and given your encouraging words. I know this sounds dumb, but this has been one of the hardest times of my life. It has made me question my choice of motherhood and my love for my children. Which has made me feel horrible about myself and made me question my sanity. And that spirals me into a depression that is hard for me to shake. The last few days (well anytime I look sad) Emma asks "What's wrong Mom?" She is very sensitive to my moods. She doesn't like me to be upset. And I say,"nothing." But she can tell I am just not happy.

But I don't like to be down long. And I do have the desire to be out of the hole. So I am improving my attitude a little every day. Thanks Tara, for the pump. (that I hate) Thanks Marie for helping me remember that it is okay to go back and forth for months with the sleep training. Thanks Lisa, Haley, and others for just sympathizing. And a special shout out to Laura (my neighbor and DEAR friend) for telling me what has worked with Asher (Lauren's future husband). That will be so funny if they have sleep issues together! Stubborn little buggers.

She has slept 4 nights all night in her own bed! That is AWESOME. The naps still aren't down, but I see a little progress with them. She still cries for hours, but I have realized that I don't need to give up. She will do it a little bit at a time. NOt all at once. So I will persevere with the plan. And I do believe she will come to understand this is what to expect. I think she might just relax and go to sleep eventually. I will only let her scream for one hour though and not 2 or 3. That is awful! If she won't sleep after 1 hour screaming she will miss that nap and we will wait til the next one. I will let you know how it goes.

Thanks again! Love you!

One more....

My baby girl and me...

More pics of LA-La's last few months...

Not so fast...

Well after many tears yesterday (and achey boobs) I decided that cold turkey was not going to work for us. So I nursed her before bed and early in the morning. But I am going to wean her. And it is going to start with not nursing her through her naps!!! (as seen above) Hence she has not slept since 5AM! I have gotten her out of bed twice to eat food, drink milk and play. Then I put her back in her bed screaming. She has screamed almost 6 hours today!!! AHHH! But I don't care! I am drawing the line. Either she figures out how to sleep alone or I quit! I can't do this anymore! Dan (God bless him) thinks that I should keep on holding/nursing for every nap...because at least she is getting sleep and not screaming her throat raw. But if I do that one more time I am going to loose my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I refuse to be the binky. Sorry if I sound psychotic, but that is exactly how I feel. I will let you know how the rest of the day goes....chances are she will continue to scream until bedtime. This girl is one stubborn determined little chica.

Remember ME?

This is the reason I haven't blogged in 5 months!!! She has taken over my life. And I have allowed it bcecause I thought I was doing the right thing. Nursing every time she wants it, holding her while she naps, sleeping with her in the crook of my arm. Well no more folks! Today is the first day of the rest of my life after babies. My boobs are ROCK hard, but I am full of resolve and determined not to nurse her anymore. She will be 1 in two weeks, and ready for milk in a cup. I am convinced this is the answer to our sleeping problems and my lack of motivations. Maybe I will start feeling good about myself again. Like I am a real person. And not a zombie. Maybe life won't seem so hard all the time. Overwhelming. Maybe I can go back to my own interests and hobbies a little. (Like this blog, etc.) Maybe accomplish some goals. I am nervous that this will all back fire and that is why I write "MAYBE". Daniel is going to take over with her for the next three days, Love that guy, and hopefully by Tuesday the worst will be over and it will be smooth sailing.

Anyhow, glad to be back to you all. Well, the three of you that ask me to update my blog. Love you!